029 - Randy "Longshot" Clark

“Whatever you go through, you grow through.” Randy “Longshot” Clark from The Source Treatment Center brings a lot of little nuggets while sharing his story and his current passions inside the recovery industry. He once said, “God, if you aren’t going to kill me, please heal me.” on his way to true surrender. He was once a guy that wanted to die every day and now lives a life full of joy. Longshot Recovery is a movement Randy has started to give hope for the “longshots” like himself. Enjoy.

The Illuminate Recovery Podcast is about Mental Health, Mental Illness, and Addiction Recovery. Shining light on ways to cope, manage, and inspire. Beyond the self care we discuss, you may need the help of a licensed professional. Curt Neider and Shelley Mangum are a part of Illuminate Billing Advocates (www.illuminatebilling.com). They are committed to helping better the industry and adding value to the lives of listeners by sharing tools, insights, and success stories of those who are working on their mental health.

https://anchor.fm/illuminaterecoverypodcast/episodes/029---Randy-Longshot-Clark-e10r34e

Transcript (No grammar): whatever you go through you grow through randy longshot clark from the source treatment center brings a lot of little nuggets while sharing his story and his current passions inside the recovery industry he once said god if you aren't going to kill me please heal me on his way to true surrender he was once a guy that wanted to die every day and now lives a life full of joy long shot recovery is a movement randy has started to give hope for the long shots like himself enjoy welcome to the illuminate recovery podcast we shed light on mental health issues mental illness and addiction recovery ways to cope manage and inspire beyond self-care we will discuss you may need the help of a licensed professional my name is kurt neider i'm a husband father entrepreneur a handyman and a student of life i avoid conflict i deflect with humor and i'm fascinated by the human experience and i'm shelley mangum i am a clinical mental health counselor and my favorite role of all times is grandma i am a seeker of truth and i feel like life should be approached with tremendous curiosity i ask the dumb questions i fill in the gaps the illuminate recovery podcast is brought to you by illuminate billing advocates make billing and collections simple with leader in substance abuse and mental health billing services verification and analysis of benefits pre-authorizations utilization management accurate claim submission and management denial and appeal management and industry leading reporting improve your practice's cash flow and your ability to help your clients with eliminate billing advocates today kurt and i um join long shot randy clark randy is the vice president of business development at the source the family place for recovery in fort lauderdale randy was once a guy that wanted to die every day and now lives a life filled with joy he is a nationally certified recovery coach and interventionist longshot recovery is a movement randy has started to give hope for the long shots like himself and now he lives um he lives fueled by gratitude every day that he can impact the life of someone else for good randy wants to share what he has learned about living a joy-filled life of purpose and meaning randy thanks so much for joining us today wow um i don't think i can say anything else [Laughter] that's like the best intro i've ever had so well fantastic because i kind of stole that from some of your bios so you know you wrote that really for me [Laughter] and i got to tell you that it rolls off the tip of my tongue all the time uh maybe i should just start about a little bit about where it's at today and then we can go backwards from there i would love that yeah okay so today uh i am a director level now the uh of the source treatment center at outreach the source is a family of treatment centers under that we have a long-term iop called abhca uh to the side of that we have the family place which is um for the source will do heavy trauma but the family place will also do heavy trauma in addition to a pregnant track and some um gender-specific groups okay both php iop um i got to tell you what we pride ourselves on is is a family culture like um i listened to a guy the name of simon sinek and i could never really put into the words the way that we operated at the source and so i listened to some of his uh to some of his podcasts and he talked about in business you need to know your why right and and and i started to think about what makes the source so special and and i started to think about why it doesn't feel like a job for me after three years and why it doesn't feel like a job for the staff and joanna and mark and billy and the owners and stuff and and i realized that is because we don't talk about really what we do or how we do it we really talk about why we do it and all being in recovery and i'm the long shot and bill's my best friend and and he's that he's a he's a long shot too and and uh and you know he got sober about five years before i did and i'm coming up on four years and like we're in awe that we get to do this for a living right our why is we want to challenge the status quo of the treatment industry right we want to destigmatize some of the the bad rep that uh lack of integrity and the people that are patient brokering or not putting client care first we wanted to we wanted to uh challenge that and so we created the source where it's a family culture our clinical uh heavy trauma three different types of trauma therapy emdr are something called rapid resolution therapy but i've just been basically trained in for 40 hours uh because it changed my life and uh and hypnotherapy clients get as much individuals they need if they need four individuals because they've got heavy trauma it doesn't stop we wrap that with amazing housing uh an open door policy with the owners and it creates what i consider to be the opposite of addiction which is connection and with that connection comes trust and with that trust comes healing so that's about it that's um that's quite incredible and it makes me uh want to ask a couple of questions about um you know you talked a little bit about how the source challenges the status quo in the in the recovery industry and you did talk about some of the trauma therapy techniques that you use the mdr the rapid and the hypnotherapy and if we have time we'll dive into those a little bit because those are i love those different i love the tools right the more tools you have to address trauma the better but but what are ways so i know there's a lot of stigmas out there with substance abuse and what are some of the big ones that you're seeing in the industry that you guys are trying to challenge and make a difference well to put client care above the bottom line the the scale being client care on one side profit on the other side it has to be balanced because if you have you know two months planning care and everybody loses their insurance and you and you don't transfer them out eventually you're gonna go out of business right but you can also it's like an rt um you have a general intention when you speak to a client right the general intention is when you before they even walk into the room before they even know what's wrong with them you have a general intention of i'm my goal is to help you hold on to the things that for your life that have value and let go of the things that don't that works for everybody that walks through the door so for example our general intention for a client is not to see how much we can make off them our general intention for a client is create an atmosphere where there's connection give them amazing housing from the top-down empower staff to treat them like family because the owners are seeing the dreamlike family we have one of those things where i love what bill says and it doesn't matter if we're hiring an seo company or we're working with the lab or we're hiring a tech he always has a phrase that says they have to check all the boxes right and what that means is is that the people that come to work for the source aren't there because they're qualified and need a job that's the fifth reason why they're at the source the top reasons why they're at the source is because they believe what we believe which is every client should be treated like family and when this and when the the staff the tech level staff who's really the an important part of a treatment center right because i mean they're they're they're they're the the baseline right there with the clients when they see the owners open door policy let me know if you need something you need to see your therapist today something's wrong no problem uh bill walking around and and because it's not just text and a great facilitator walking around sees a client with his head down walks around says hey what's going on we're able to catch some of those um moments where they need to go see their therapist right then or maybe they need a talking to so that long story short is that i believe what we're challenging is that yes we all want to make a profit but you can do that by putting clinical and client care first i love that and i i totally agree i think i i do think that what you said there's been a bad rap in the industry because there are a few that have really really tried to take advantage of the system and and not give good care it's all about the money and that is a problem so i i get that and i'm that's super cool um and i think another reason probably randy that you are so passionate about this work is because you have your own recovery story give us some a little idea of kind of where you come from your background and and your journey to where you are now how did you end up here well forgive me i've been telling this story for four years and i still get a little choked up sometimes just because i just can't believe where i'm at so pull it together randy like the guy that i heard earlier uh in the podcast is that like i didn't grow up in a bad family right i mean i hear the stories of a couple hundred people that have been to the store that couple years and this girl's been raped 21 times and this one's been pimped out and uh this guy was beaten and like like i don't have that excuse to to be an addict or an alcoholic but that's just an example of it doesn't matter your color class or creed that it doesn't discriminate right i mean what i thought for a long time uh i got my i was a uh i was a good childhood loving parent uh the guy i heard earlier uh you know kind of a passive family where we didn't really like say things that were very direct we're you know we took the took the easy road and and uh what i found was the things that make me the best of me or nothing that my parents said to me it was their behavior uh they were kind to each other they were loving to each other my dad always making jokes and i mean i'm the first one to to not take life too serious because in the words of van wylder you're never going to get out alive you know so um so i love uh i love the joy of making others laugh right maybe in another life i would have been a comedian but so my family you know good i'm the youngest of four boys i've got a twin brother nobody else suffers from addiction um i have some addiction little mental health right through my mom and my grandparents but good family you know work in the garden when i was a teenager and my grandfather i go crappie fishing and make homemade uh hand crank ice cream when i was seven or eight and so you know i asked my grandfather one day like how come we don't have an electric ice cream maker he says cuz i got four grandsons you know so he's like i don't need it so that's that's my childhood but i picked up my first drink uh i i picked up my first thing about seventh grade a little sick i hated it never went around it again right um i about my 11th grade year we moved from california to alabama my dad was a marine as well so we lived in north carolina south carolina georgia japan california so we moved around very adaptable to situations right and easy to make friends especially when you got your brothers so i got to alabama and it was much more relaxed and so the guys drank and so um i didn't really have a lot of character traits at that point although i was a good guy i didn't really stand for a lot i want i you know what it really was it was the second part of the first step it was my unmanageability was there way before the drink was and a lot of people missed that in recovery they think that my life was unmanageable because they only think about the external manageability and they don't think about the hole that's inside me but i that i i searched the world and it didn't fill me the right friends are the right girl the right car and the right job it never was enough but i gotta tell you what when i took that first straight i fell a part of you know and all those insecurities went away well but here's the problem i have the gene right or whatever you want to call it you know and when i drink i typically drink more than i wanted to and when i had a good reason to stop i couldn't right but i didn't understand those terms at that age and i joined the marine corps and i was honored graduated army boot camp i went to first i was autographed by the marine corps boot camp and my entire presence was about look at that achievement right i didn't realize that life was more than achievement that what people miss out on why why millionaires are hiring people like tony robbins because like they have all this money and they don't have to film it right i didn't realize that um the character building and the purpose and the and and being um being a maximum service meant something so i'll fast forward i picked up my first drug it i was uh a youngest north american account manager at a billion dollar company in the computer chip industry making second figures through before i was 30. and that was a big deal to me like that was my identity right i mean i would pop my i would walk around and first thing i would tell you is who i was and what i made and then and just it was it was very shallow although i had a kind heart my entire identity was built on what the world thought of me right and for and for an alcohol if you're an addict that's a bad combination when you lose that so i had lost my first job i got my second gui at that point i prior to getting prior to losing my job i picked up uh crack cocaine and that's when just like the gentleman early in the in the podcast that's when it really took me to my knees right um even though i had two duis i was like well that's just bad luck everybody can get gd lives but so for the course of 17 years i lost the love of my daughter who still doesn't talk to me and she was four now she's 25 my uh my wife i went through a couple long-term girlfriends who really were great women that tried to uh fix me because they saw this caring guy inside but the addition you know made me incapable of having meaningful relationships right so when they say the opposite of addiction is not sobriety the opposite addiction for me is connection and i was i was stripped from all of that i mean i sold gave away lied cheated stole my weight for 17 years until in and out of halfway houses for the last six years of my years and where i absolutely just wanted to die at the end i even found myself in a couple different homeless shelters right i had the pleasure of going back and just speaking at broward outreach center that i was there um 17 years ago and to share my story and um i mean you know that's that's not a story of redemption i don't know what it is but and that doesn't elevate me that elevates um some amazing mentors that i had who took a shot on me when nobody else would so um 17 years of addiction september 4th to 2017. um i had burned every bridge twice and um and i'm sitting there in this room that i'm renting and and i'm absolutely horrified because i've already spent my rent money and i've already sold the tv that the lady had in the room right and and and i'm sitting there and i have a little refrigerator with some oranges and some juice and and i'm literally like urinating in a tide bottle because i'm afraid to leave the room because i don't have the rent money she lives because she lived in the house and um i finally got enough nerve to just say hey i i don't have the rent money she says i know you got a problem um you have uh you know i'm gonna give you a couple of days to find a place and i literally said a prayer and i'm like god if you're not gonna kill me can you just heal me and um i called my god i mean thank god my dad finally wrote an island book and said um randy i just gotta let go and let god i just i'm i'm 78 years old i i can't i can't do this anymore you know and um i mean it was really a testament as i talked to parents in my industry that let them know say like you're not the cause of your kids addiction but you have a choice whether or not to fuel it to fuel their addiction or to fuel their recovery you know and it's a tough spot for them right but my dad thank god he read an elegant book and realized that it was the love that he had for me that he needed to detach with love which means that not base his happiness based on whether or not i'm sober or not and so i made a couple phone calls i called a couple treatment centers i didn't have insurance i always ended up at a homeless shelter or the va hospital or something and um i call it a silver living i called only the most structured silver livings i knew that if i i knew there's a couple numbers that i could have called hey can you have rent by friday great come on in dirty whatever but i knew at that point i was so broken i was so beat down that i knew that if i wasn't gonna die after all this time that i needed a real shot so i called a guy by the name of joe bear and um he says you know randy you were here nine years earlier but i hear something your voice is time and he said um i'm going to give you a shot he said but you got to be able to pee clean how long do you have in that room i said i got about four days he says we'll come to the meeting wednesday night you sit in that room and you stay sober for four days and show me you want this and i said i don't have any money no job no cars that's great you're right where i want you you know wow that's a powerful story randy um and i know it's not over yet because you're just you're just starting but there's a couple of things there's a couple of things that you shared that kind of pricked my attention and and made me made me kind of wonder you're a twin right did i catch that right you're a twin and and you you said that your your twin brother are you guys identical twins we're fortunate okay so you never let me forget he was the oldest so you've kind of got this built in i don't know what what it was like growing up with this built-in buddy right this built-in friend that goes with you everywhere but you picked up and he didn't do you ever think about that um you know i tried i had to stop trying to figure out why um you know why he didn't and i did and because when you do that it's like your head you're the victim at that point in time through the steps i gained an accountability in the force that we can talk about that later where i realized that i authored my past and even for the people out there that have trauma and have really been hurt you may not have authored that part but we do author how we respond to it and how we react to it we all every we have a part in everything so and uh and so and my brother listen my brother i mean he picked up my clothes from sober living and sober living and sober living and and would always i'm at starbucks i've got a picture somebody sent me their day of me just laying in the chair in starbucks and um after a run and he would come and feed me and he stopped paying rent for a long time ago you know like for me but he would always at least come give me a meal you know maybe a bus pass or something um and when i moved into sober living that day when i on that thursday when i walked into sobelumi he came up and um and he said and i said i i don't have anything i don't have any way to eat and he said listen man he says here's 40 don't call me for anything unless you just want to say hi and i bought ramen and ravioli and i eat that three days three times a day for two weeks because before i got my food stamp card you know so and my other brother marty um was there as well he stopped the enabling a while back it just he was in a different state and it was very hard i believe for russ because he would have to see me face to face you know so that's incredible so talk about um talk about this journey of recovery and you know it sounds like you've been you were in treatment multiple times before sober living at least and some other treatment programs why you know what made the difference this time that's a great question um because i can pinpoint it okay which is this every time in the past that i wanted to get sober there were a couple things going on one i always thought the right amount of money would fix my life so i had my sights set on a six-figure job if i could just get back to big six figures uh either eight i could use the way i wanted to and uh three or four years before i got sober i i got i went from 500 a week to 95 000 a year and i could only afford to eat grilled cheese and ramen noodles i couldn't i couldn't even pay my rent so that debunked that um that facade and then the other line that i told myself is that uh if i only had my daughter's um forgiveness i could get sober right i had a lot of conditions that had to happen i needed the right job or i needed my daughter i needed i needed a girl i needed something out there to be the reason to get sober and what happened was is if this time i got sober because i couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore i was um i was a liar a cheat a thief i manipulated i was always teeing people up for what i needed out of you i picked sponsors early on if i thought they could buy me groceries or if i thought maybe they had a hot girlfriend maybe i could get the leftovers i don't know you know so it was all for the wrong reasons what changed this time is instead of being in compliance with my recovery i was a true surrender okay and there's a difference the surrender means i know in my heart of hearts that i cannot safely pick up a drink or a drug the compliance was i'm just gonna do what i'm told till i can make enough money to use the way that i want you know it's like a reservation there's anything you're holding on to that has the ability to cause you harm right i always have the reservation in the back of my mind like if i win the lottery i'm gonna go on a run for a week right that's a reservation you know that's still saying at some point in time if i go on for a run for a week and i got a million dollars i can still control it i haven't conceded that i have the allergy right according to the fellowship that i that i go to but uh i got a sponsor like within the first three days of um and i got a sponsor of a guy who was with me in silver living nine years earlier and i didn't realize these words i'm about to tell you but it it it unfolded later on he had a glow about him right and he wasn't like loaded or anything but he just like he was a christian i wanted a christian guy because i believed in that god and and what i realized later on as i started to piece back what the decisions i had made early on is i picked him because of the life he had spiritually relationally and emotionally even though he did okay financially he wasn't even in the equation and i asked him how do i get that he said we'll do as i do and you'll have what i have you know and what i realized is that the money wasn't going to fix it and the last thing i'll tell you is uh at three weeks of sobriety i'm like eight hundred dollars been back rent right i need a job bad and i had a fifty thousand dollar base salary six figure potential opportunity where i'm gonna be cold calling and companies for commercials and all kinds of stuff or a 600 a week all inbound calls at a medical clinic where i don't have to lie cheaters still or anything and for the first time i chose the the easier path without all the pressure to have to produce right away and that one that was one of the decisions made all the difference in the world because at that point in time i was just opening the door to realize that the money wasn't going to fix what really needs to be fixed i am i'm listening to you talk and tell your story and there's so many i mean the story is the same for a lot of people in recovery but it's not it's so unique and so interesting for me to hear you know story after story i could listen all day long one thing i picked up on is that you'd been using long enough to burn those bridges with your family members but they cared enough to go learn some things like al-anon and and pick up some skills of how to how to be you know how to love you in your addiction and and help you in ways that were counter intuitive to a family member who loves somebody that's pretty powerful in and of itself how did that did i would think that that as you know as a someone in my active in my addiction it ticked me off if they told me no but i didn't catch that from you well i will tell you this in the last few years of my addiction especially when my brother marty like he stopped sending money at all right rusty dwindled it down to just food and believe me i had a resentment because my my brothers do very well like very well right and i'm like you guys don't understand what i'm going through and finally my brothers are like you did this to yourself you know and in the middle of addiction you're not you don't want to take responsibility for anything it's my daughter the military whatever it is there was a reason for everything right i mean thank god for the steps that unfold and unpack the reality of authoring this but you're not going to see that at day one right i got to tell you my dad picked up uh you know we we believed in god that through course of moving all the time didn't you know didn't attend much church and but my dad picked up reading the bible for the last 10 or 12 years like every morning right and he did that [Music] he did that out of desperation [Music] he did that on desperation some maybe just for me but mostly for his own sanity because just like our desperation the gift of desperation that we have in early sobriety right when we look at somebody and say man i ran out of good ideas can you help me out of this hole you know then his desperation was he knew that he didn't have the power to solve this or fix this because he had tried for so long but every time i said that i just gotta i just got to get to this paycheck or dad i just i just need a bus pass and dad i just need a phone and he just came to the conclusion by you know if i read the book and my my my brothers that that it was never going to be enough and it was never going to stop right so you know it's just thank god for that well and i've heard you talk about the program the source where you're working and it's the family place for recovery how much i mean you're creating a family environment there a place that's safe where they can connect because we know the opposite of addiction is connection how much interaction do you have with family members that that's a that's a great question we got a great family dynamic because we have a uh an independent we have your primary therapist you have your trauma therapist and one or two of the primaries are trauma but then we have a separate family therapist who works on that component because you got to imagine hey let me tell you the tough thing though not every client wants to sign a full release with their families right so we've got to do our job and talk to them and say listen you cannot sign up for release and their biggest fear is i don't want them to know how much i used right i mean what's one of their biggest fears i don't want them to know what i've done to myself and disgrace my family but like that's not the kind of stuff that we want to tell them you have to educate them and say what we want to tell them is how to support your recovery and not your addiction right we want to tell them kind of what you're going through as an addict or an alcoholic that you know they don't talk 12-step but but when i talk to parents i talk to them about it what you don't understand is this nobody does this to themselves on purpose and i and i got to tell you i've used the first step with parents and by the time i'm done saying they have an allergy right can we all agree that um when they put in your body that if they could moderate they would moderate i'm never gonna know right you're gonna get i said does this make sense we have an obsession doesn't mean i want to drink i want to drink i want to drink what it means is when your daughter or son thinks about a drink or a drug they can't think about what it's going to do to them they can only think about what it's going to do for them can we agree with that because there's a mother that leaves her baby and he's on probation and he mis he's got a divorce so if they could see the pain instead of the high they would they would they would not use it right okay that makes sense to me well let me tell you the last part of that prior to them ever picking up we all have a hole inside of us and i tell them you don't have to be an addict or an alcoholic to have a spiritual melody or the end manageability there's people out there don't have it they just their solution is anger their solution is gambling or their solution is another boat or whatever but they have the same hole inside of us the difference says is we found this the filler of that hole with a drink or a drug and because we have an allergy i can't stop you know and and by the time i'm like so with all that said here's the good news there's a solution right when i went to battle right i took a gun to a gun fight right and so i let him know that that through treatment right we have marine corps air land and sea i got three types of trauma therapy right we're gonna hit you know we're gonna hit them with spiritual we're gonna hit them um if they want naa dharma uh celebrate recovery we're not gonna tell you what 12 step we're gonna guide you that your life your recovery needs a plan a blueprint for life through a 12-step with the accountability the connection and a spiritual growth right so i think i have long answers i'm sorry you have great answers they're fantastic that's the point of long form you know the things you're saying are where the answers are right not only are they where the answers are for people who have addiction or family members of people who ever have had addiction or in recovery but same thing for people who are helping right you've said some amazing things you know life is more than achievement i authored my past looking for money to fix your life true surrender no reservations you know you've touched on a lot of topics that are are really amazing that we could go you know much deeper into um but that's why we're here right that's why we want to know the story you know it's it's awesome to hear what you guys are doing um especially the the part where you've got a program for pregnant mothers right that i i'm relatively new you know to the industry in general but it's the first time i've heard of that right we've heard of the you know postpartum program but not necessarily a substance abuse program for you know mothers and that's a complicated time emotionally but on multiple levels right i mean pregnant in its own is tough for a mother they have depression um they have hormones right they're tired throw go into group you know seeing your therapist right um you know all of that on top of that these mothers are warriors i mean absolute warriors right and the ones we just had a post for mother's day and um [Music] i mean picture you know multiple pictures of with the with the mom's permission of these babies that have a chance right and um you know as a father who didn't show up through rrt at 16 months of sobriety where it was father's day and i'm just like i've been at the treatment center six months working and and it felt like it was still happening and um and um and these tears that you see this i'm not hurt this is not pain anymore it's just absolute gratitude of the relief and the burden off my shoulders through wayne and i went into rit and and and i'll explain our teammate if we have time whatever because it's really a unique way to address trauma and preoccupations and uh thoughts that are holding your mind counseling because it's completely different anything you can do in traditional damping right um and and it's all about the way the mind is processing information right it has nothing to do with whether or not my daughter receives me forgives me or loves me and has the way because there's men out there that their daughter doesn't that rejects them right and they don't pick up a drink or a drug so if it was always the daughter we would all have the same problem right you know two guys sitting in a traffic jam one hitting his horn pissed off you know screaming and yelling he's telling us there [ __ ] he wouldn't believe this trap exam but maybe he's so mad he's like well i got news for you man it wasn't the traffic jam because the guy next to you had his sunroof open listening to the radio kicking back and if everybody was pissed it would be the traffic jam but it's not and it's a new way to realize that that it's never i tell my wife all the time um it's never what we think it is it's never it's never that anytime i'm disrupting it's never that it's always something else and an rit i learned it was the way that my mind was processing i'm not being a a a father for you know not showing up and what happens is your your unconscious mind attaches meaning and so that event the disruption was well i'm never going to get sober and i'm never going to be happy and you know whatever whatever it does so rit clears that they remove that clump of information that's being held captive and be able to process it down to memory where we put things like our bike accident when we were kid that still doesn't hurt right you know mom made me eat broccoli still doesn't hurt but when it processes down the memory i realized that the past happened but it doesn't exist today there's no alternative world that i get to step into and be a better father i get to draw a a star a line in the sand and walk out of this room a good father with or without her acceptance and the weight of the world that's on my shoulders and i got to tell you i'm just married um over the last year i've got three amazing stepdaughters and 16 uh 19 16 19 and 22 one night she's about to i'm sorry 20 and 22. um and we lived in the house for the last year the oldest just gone and i got to tell you thank god for that therapy because imagine the expectation i would have put on them to fill that void for my daughter right that i was able to go in there a clean heart an open mind that they're going to feel a different spot in my life and they don't have to replace her right and there's been some adjustment when i had little expectations you know they're a little quieter than me and stuff but but and and they're girls and it took longer to get to know but but like like we have a we have a relationship based on what i really realized that they needed to to trust right because i'll be dating their mom for less than a year for christians we serving children's ministry together and all things are great but the long short of that is that thank god for that therapy that enabled me to be okay with me right it's like i would love for my daughter to forgive me i would love to have a relationship with my daughter right but i don't need it to be okay and that is that's rrt that phrase right there that's the re the reprogramming of what i thought i needed to have to be okay so and randy let me ask you this because you know you talk about your you know you've got the people who come into treatment at the source they've got multiple avenues of recovery and one of those is trauma does that apply to every client that comes through the door um we see i don't know what the official number is but i want to say 70 to 80 of the clients have some sort of trauma so what happens is is you have to redefine trauma okay um trauma for a lot of people when you say that when you're when i'm talking to somebody about coming to the treatment center i don't say the word trauma anymore because the reaction i got early on was i don't i don't have any trauma right so what i ask him is i say hey do you have anything in your life or a preoccupation or a thought that when you think about it or something happens that you still feel a little pain from it and they're like okay and i'm like well um when you're triggered pretty bad does it feel like it's happening about to happen or just happen they're like yeah i think well that's there could be big t or little t right you know and so so they say just so you know one of the things that we do with the source especially through rt is we help you hold on to the thought behaviors and actions that serve you well in your life that have value and let go of the things that don't would you be okay with that you just see them light up and say of course it would right i mean just that phrase of letting them know that hey like we don't even we don't even like to call this source treatment i mean and this is going to sound like a total sound bite but it's about healing right i mean like the person i'm talking to on the phone they're we get some high bottomers sometimes so i don't get to hit them with the brokenness but i guarantee you this when i dig hard enough about brady i got my job and i got my car and my wife will get off my you know my tail or whatever and i'm like okay well let's break it down in three areas um relationally are you emotionally there the way you should be are your reactions um the way you want to respond to your wife when things go wrong when life's not going your way right and when you drink do you drink more than you want to typically and your wife's on your ass and and you have a reason to stop and you don't you know you don't have to live under a bridge to be considered an alcoholic right you just got to answer those two questions that the normal moderate drinker when things get bad they stop that's what separates us right and when you talk them through and be able to explain it to them and let them see a different side of it right you know that they're like okay well maybe i could use some area because here's the deal man we're not here to solve your drink or drug problem one of the questions that i that i ask when i'm when i'm talking to people you gotta one of the things i learned is when i talk to somebody that they're in detox or it's a mother they have a son or daughter or a husband or a wife my intention is not to bring them to the treatment center because that would mean i would be pitching them my intention is to understand what's going on understand what they've tried understand their fears overcome their fears give them a little hope and more than anything my intention is to leave them with a piece of sobriety a recovery tool or plan to see that if we never talk again i've impacted your life and because i do that with sincerity 80 to 90 people i talk to come to the source and then my great team delivers on every promise that i make which is going to be treated like family but the reason i say that is is that that um the trauma aspect of it is back to your thing is it could just be a preoccupation it could be guilt shamer and morrison we have emdr and if you don't have heavy trauma that's probably not going to be a fit for you and hypno therapy is going to be but the rapid revolution therapy i got to tell you the way the way it positions grief is nothing like what you would see in traditional therapy where you write a grief letter it's more about a celebration of unity right and so it's it's amazing stuff so once again long answer well it's a powerful answer and you've got i mean i can tell randy why you love going to work every day and it's not work to you it's it's it's life right it's a lifestyle and that's really what you're trying to create for the people who come to treatment is a way to live a way to heal and to find a way to live and that's what it's all about um i definitely believe that there's going to be a lot of people listening to the podcast that are going to relate to you and appreciate what you bring to the table and the energy that you have and the passion you have um what's the best way for them to get a hold of you uh you can reach out to the source it's five eight nine 954-698-4358 four six nine eight four three five eight also um i haven't talked about it much but my youtube channel longshot recovery where it is all about emotional sobriety and and i think we're about to close here so let me just let me just close with this so many people chase the variety and when they get the car the job and the girl it's a finish line for them and then they let their guard down they don't realize that that that that obsession through the steps is removed and and the spiritual melody is the whole closes when our life starts to mean something when we start to have purpose when we take another one through the steps i tell people when i when i'm when i'm sitting there talking to them and detox and they're at their lowest point when i was speaking at the homeless shelter what i ended with is i said i know every one of you think what is my life going to amount to what can i do how can i use this experience to help somebody every one of you are uniquely qualified to be able to look into somebody's eyes at their lowest point they're in a whole first piece of advice is tell them stop digging right and then you're able to get into the whole wisdom and show them the way out not because you read it in a book you're not a psychiatrist who wrote a book on anxiety and you've never had anxiety you're somebody that said these are the steps i took to regain a life of spiritual oneness and wholeness where i don't need the world to tell me i'm okay to start having a life or purpose i use a phrase that says what changed for me is i started chasing character not currency and it changed everything when i get up in the morning and i don't try to make a dollar i try to love god love others and make a difference that's it and when you do that well it doesn't matter how many people i bring into my treatment center it doesn't matter how much money i have in the bank and i do better today than i've ever done but it's never about getting up in the morning trying to make money it's trying to figure out who needs to be impacted who needs to smile who needs a word of encouragement and that's my barometer for a good day it doesn't matter what my stats are anymore because if the world gives it to you the world can take it away and anything you go through in your life you're at a homeless shelter whatever you go through you grow through so that's it yeah no that's not it you got you got a lot of a lot of healing a lot of people to help and uh and and what you do is so valuable and important thanks for taking a little bit of time out of your day to join with us and share your journey and your experience and your words of wisdom um pretty incredible thank you randy it has truly been my pleasure and i appreciate the energy somebody somebody out there um gets a little bit of hope okay thanks randy thank you so much